What Is an Open Relationship? Meaning, Rules, and Boundaries
While most people naturally lean toward having a monogamous relationship, others prefer something a touch more … open. These types of relationships allow for each member to see other people, but open relationships are about as unique as the individuals comprising them.
This article aims to help with that endeavor, exploring the open relationship meaning and rules to help you decide if this alternative lifestyle is the right one for you and your partner.
What Does an Open Relationship Mean?
So, what is an open relationship? In these types of relationships, you and your partner are free to explore other romantic and sexual partners. Often, you’ll also hear this referred to as consensual or ethical non-monogamy.
The key point is that individuals are both, in a manner of speaking, on the same page. They have a set of rules and boundaries that define the type of open relationship it is, and each individual
Open Relationship Definition
To put it simply, an open relationship is an agreement with a set of rules (which we’ll explore a little more shortly) between the members of a relationship—typically two, but sometimes more—where they set grounds for seeing other people. Good open relationships can be just as healthy as good monogamous relationships. It all comes down to the individuals involved.
Types of Open Relationships
With as “open” as open relationships can be, there are actually a lot of different types, especially if we take a wider view and consider all types of non-monogamous relationships.
Granted, labels can get messy, and perhaps your open relationship doesn’t directly correlate with any one of these types, but they’re a good place to start:
Open marriage: This is your stereotypical open relationship, although you could easily be open without being married. In these relationships, there is a bond and commitment (typically a marriage), but each member is allowed to see other people outside of that commitment.
“Don’t ask, don’t tell”: In these open relationships, each member keeps their extracurricular activities to themselves without sharing any details with their partner.
Polyamory: Polyamorous relationships involve more than one person, each knowing and consenting to everyone involved.
Hierarchal polyamory: In these polyamorous relationships, partners see and love other people, but one coupling is prioritized over the others. This couple is often more committed to each other and may include aspects of life such as shared finances or parenting. Similarly, non-hierarchical polyamory relationships feature couples with no specific priority.
Polyfidelity: Here, a group of non-monogamous individuals form a bond with each other, and none of them date or see anyone outside of that group. These are typically throuples—or more.
Solo poly: In this type of open relationship, one person seeks multiple partners without committing to anyone in particular or even cohabitating with any of them. This focus here is on self-sufficiency and being fully independent.
Monogamish: In these relationships, the couple is mostly monogamous, but they occasionally have flings or see other people outside of the relationship, while still respecting any rules or boundaries.
Swinging: When a committed couple swings, they swap partners with another couple who swings, either in a group setting or on their own. It can be a great way to sexually explore other avenues while also keeping the marriage spicy in its own way.
Let chaos reign: In this form of consensual anarchy, every member of the relationship values personal freedom above all else, allowing each person to seek out romantic, sexual, or even platonic relationships with whomever they desire. This kind of open relationship requires the most communication and honesty toward any boundaries.
While these categories are certainly not all-encompassing, they provide enough types of open relationships from which you can find just about any type of relationship you see fit.
Open Relationship vs Polyamory Explained
Although there is a lot of overlap between the two—and in many ways, they are two of the same thing—if we were to take the concept of an open relationship vs polyamory, there are a few distinctions to make.
First and foremost, a stereotypical open relationship typically involves two individuals in a committed relationship who explore sexual partners outside of that relationship. There is typically not an emotional connection or love inside these extracurricular activities, although there certainly can be.
Compared to that, a polyamorous relationship can include love and emotional connection with many people, often simultaneously. At its most basic, an open relationship is more about sex, and polyamory is about love and affection between multiple people. Hopefully, this helped explain a bit about the difference between polyamory and open relationships.
Open Relationship Rules and Boundaries
Engaging in an open relationship is all about your approach as it pertains to rules and boundaries. You and your partner will need to discuss all that you’re willing and unwilling to do in these extracurricular activities so that you avoid damaging your relationship.
Open Relationship Rules for Success
Now that we’ve established some boundaries and things to potentially avoid in an open relationship, let’s talk about how you can set yourself up for success.
When starting out, don’t assume that there’s something necessarily wrong with your relationship and that seeking an open relationship will somehow fix what’s broken. Nor is there anything wrong with the desire to pursue an open relationship. Seeking a non-monogamous relationship is simply a way to explore you and your partner’s sexuality in new and interesting ways.
For starters, don’t jump into the deep end. Though it will be tempting to rush into open relationships, take it slow and start by dipping your toes into the proverbial shallow end first. Doing so will allow you to see if an open relationship is a good fit for you and your partner.
Open Relationship Boundaries List: Essential Guidelines
When engaging in an open relationship, being forthright with your partner and establishing any rules and boundaries for the relationship are an utmost priority. So, to further than end, let’s establish an open relationship boundaries list.
1. Make sure your primary relationship doesn’t get neglected: If you’re exploring all sorts of sexual avenues with an array of different partners, be sure not to let your relationship fall by the wayside, especially if you don’t cohabitate and can go days without seeing your partner.
2. Establish boundaries, both emotional and sexual: Establishing proper boundaries is essential for not only open relationships, but closed relationships as well—and any relationship in between. Sexual boundaries will probably be more involved—such as how often these sexual encounters can occur, how many, or when and where. Emotional boundaries can be more difficult to set, since each couple will view these differently. But be mindful of how comfortable you are letting your partner get close to other people.
3. Only engage in safe sex: This one is a no-brainer—but it bears repeating. Always be sure to practice safe sex with any and all sexual partners.
4. Don’t hide anything: Open relationships only work with full honesty and communication. It’s good to establish what level of honesty you want between you and your partner. Do you want to know every detail, or would you rather go with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach, in which you don’t know anything about your partner’s activities?
How to Navigate Open Relationships
Properly managing an open relationship, both with your partner and any additional sexual partners you may have over the course of the relationship, requires primarily honesty, trust, and a whole lot of communication. It’s imperative that you and everyone involved are on the same page.
While the primary relationship is definitely the most important one, and shouldn’t be neglected, it’s also important to communicate openly with all your sexual partners to ensure that everyone is and continues to be comfortable.
Understanding Open Relationship Success
Truly succeeding with an open relationship takes enormous amounts of effort, while also being enormous amounts of fun—and personal growth—for those who decide to explore this lifestyle.
Transitioning from a closed relationship to an open one isn’t something that will happen overnight; it will take trial and error, and openly communicating what has and hasn’t worked for you and your partner.
Try to schedule regular check-ins with your partner to discuss just how well this open relationship is working out for the both of you. There’s a good chance that one of you might have gotten cold feet, or feels as though they are “going along with this” for the other partner’s sake, even if they aren’t completely into it.
What Makes Open Relationships Work
The most successful open relationships are so because everyone involved is on the same page. You and your partner—as well as any other sexual partners—have all established clear boundaries and regularly communicate your desires with everyone involved.
If jealousy happens—which is natural in both closed and open relationships—it must be addressed as soon and as quickly as possible. Jealousy, as a secondary emotion, is typically an indicator of some other emotion, which must be identified and solved. Talk therapy, like that provided by Serenity Space Therapy, can be instrumental in helping you identify and address jealousy in open or any other kind of relationship.
Signs of a Healthy Open Relationship
So, you or your partner figured out how to ask for an open relationship, and have been exploring this new lifestyle for some time now. What are some signs that your open relationship is healthy:
1. Honesty and trust: A couple in a successful open relationship has a firm foundation of trust and honesty. If you have any insecurities or trust issues, they’ll be highlighted by an open relationship. You must both feel comfortable with each other and be willing to share everything and anything. That’s why:
2. Communication is key: To find success in an open relationship, you and your partner must be open to lots of communication. The truth of the matter is that successful open relationships require a lot of work, and most of this work is done through communication to establish boundaries and rules.
3. Mutual interest in an open relationship: A healthy open relationship is one in which both partners are interested in exploring this lifestyle. If it’s one-sided, or if one partner is trying to use an open relationship as a way to either facilitate or cope with cheating, it won’t be healthy.
4. Exploring sexuality: The point of an open relationship is to give both partners a chance to explore their sexuality—either kinks or exploring bisexuality—so a healthy one will allow both partners to explore these aspects of their lives in a safe and open manner.
Conclusion
Open relationships aren’t for everyone, but if this lifestyle is right for you, then they are a great way to explore you and your partner’s sexuality in new and interesting ways. They do, however, require lots of effort, lots of communication, a firm establishing of boundaries, and work to ensure that your primary relationship doesn’t fall by the wayside.
If you and your partner live in Arizona or Florida and are unsure if an open relationship—or a specific kind of one—is right for you, then the skilled counselors at Serenity Space Therapy can be there to help talk you through your options.
FAQs
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Open relationships can be an extremely healthy option for the right couples, but there are a few things you need to be sure to avoid, including neglecting to set boundaries, not communicating about what you want out of an open relationship, and not practicing safe sex.
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Consent is one of the most important facets of an open relationship. Everyone involved must be fully consenting to everything that the open relationship entails.
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You can read more about the types of open relationships above, but some basic examples of include swinging, monogamish, full polyamory, and solo polyamory.
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Open relationships are by no means unhealthy. In fact, for the right couple, an open relationship can be just as healthy, if not more so, than a closed relationship.
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Not at all. Nothing about open relationships is a red flag. However, be mindful of partners who try to divert attention away from their infidelity with talk of an open relationship. Trust and honesty are just as important in these as in other relationships.