10 Signs of a Narcissistic Husband and How to Deal with Him
While it’s true that marriage can show us sides of our partner that we never knew were there until enough time had transpired, and while sometimes, this hidden side can actually have a benefit, like someone who suddenly starts opening up and sharing vulnerabilities—it can also add be a source of stress, like if your husband turns out to be a narcissist.
This article will help you identify narcissistic behavior in your husband and help you find ways to cope and deal with this individual, even if it means taking steps to leave the marriage.
How Narcissism Affects Marriage
In a few words, extreme narcissism in a marriage can be exceedingly draining, no matter who is subjected to the narcissist, be it a husband or a wife. This is because they level a great deal of not only emotional manipulation, but also a lack of empathy. Exposed to this sort of behavior long enough, and the person on the receiving end will endure endless stress as they struggle with meeting the narcissist’s lofty expectations.
10 Signs of a Narcissistic Husband
While plenty of marriages have the occasional spat or little bit of drama, if you’re constantly feeling as though you’re walking on eggshells or constantly feeling belittled and criticized, there might be more going on. Let’s explore ten signs your husband is a narcissist to help you decide if that’s the cause.
1. You feel as though you’re always walking on eggshells. We mentioned it at the beginning, but if your husband is a narcissist, you might worry that you need to be careful around him, or else he’ll have an emotional outburst.
2. Being criticized or belittled is common. Living with a narcissistic husband often means being picked on or made fun of on a regular basis. Narcissists are highly critical of everyone else but themselves.
3. They’re different when nobody’s watching. If your husband is a charming, warm individual when he’s out in public, but when he’s behind closed doors, the mask comes off and he seems like a vastly different person, then take heed—because that’s one of the signs of being a narcissist.
4. You often experience the silent treatment. The silent treatment is a great way for narcissists to control your behavior.
5. They’ve cheated. While cheating isn’t exclusive to narcissists, they are more likely to engage in this sort of behavior.
6. You’ve been warned. Consider whether your friends or family members have tried to warn you against your husband, or if they seem totally in the dark, your husband could be lying to them about you.
7. You constantly avoid conversations. Arguing with a narcissistic husband can be a regular and exhausting affair, so if the mere thought of having a conversation with your husband fills you with unease, that could be a sign.
8. They’ve gaslit you extensively. Gaslighting is a subtle and insidious affair, but if you’ve noticed that what they’re saying or doing doesn’t line up with your memories or gut feelings, you could be a victim of gaslighting.
9. You’ve experienced other types of manipulation. While gaslighting is one of the most extreme forms of manipulation, if you’re experiencing other forms, like guilt tripping or being passive-aggressive, it could indicate narcissism. The worst thing about manipulation is that if it goes on long enough, you’ll forget what life was like before it.
10. You feel like they don’t care about you. One of the key narcissistic husband traits is that they generally care about themselves more than anyone else. So, if you have a hard time believing that your husband truly cares about you, that is likely an indicator.
How Do I Know If My Husband Is Narcissistic?
No one of these signs is enough to declare that your husband is a narcissist, especially if one or two of them have happened only on rare occasions, but if your husband is exhibiting all of them, then there’s a distinct possibility that he may be a narcissist.
If he’s willing, couples therapy can be a great way to unravel narcissistic syndrome and begin to build a healthy and happy relationship.
Arguing with a Narcissistic Husband
As we touched on just a little while ago during our section on the 10 signs of a narcissistic husband, arguing with one can be an exhausting endeavor. Let’s explore this aspect of narcissism in a little more detail.
Why Arguing with a Narcissist Is Challenging
Narcissists, by nature, do not like to lose, or give up ground in an argument. Doing so would bruise their ego, and the ego of a narcissistic is enormous. A narcissistic husband will have difficulty truly listening to anything you say in an argument, making the entire ordeal feel fruitless and frustrating. To a narcissist, an argument is something that can be mutually resolved; it’s something that they have to win.
Tips for Navigating Conflict with a Narcissistic Husband
So, with as exhausting as these arguments can be, we’ve compiled a few easy tips to help you learn how to deal with a narcissistic husband, so the next time you and he have words, you can better protect your emotional well-being.
1. Stay calm: If your husband is a narcissist, he might try to escalate the situation and push your buttons in an attempt to get an emotional reaction out of you. It’s imperative that you try to keep your cool during an argument to keep it from escalating and so that you can stand your ground.
2. Stick to the facts: By using neutral language and remaining factual, it’ll be harder for a narcissistic husband to take your words and twist them against you. And if they try, you can easily point it out to them.
3. If you need, stop the argument: With a narcissistic husband, there’s a good chance that if an argument goes on for long enough, it will eventually become toxic, with them throwing insults or raising their voice. If it gets to that point, put an end to it.
How to Deal with a Narcissistic Husband
Outside of arguments and conflicts, a narcissistic husband can be exhausting to deal with long term, more so depending on the severity of their narcissistic tendencies. Although you might not be in any physical danger, it’s still tough, so we’ve compiled a few tips to teach you how to survive a narcissistic husband.
Practical Tips for Communication and Setting Boundaries
When conversing with a narcissist, you’ll want to try to work these tips into your communication to avoid having a mere conversation spiral into a full-blown argument.
1. Stick to “I” statements: When communicating with a narcissistic husband, focus on relaying to them how you feel rather than focusing on them by tossing out accusations or assigning any blame.
2. Don’t get defensive: Even outside of an argument, a narcissist may be snide, or snippy, or try to use your own words against you. Try to keep a level head and avoid falling into any of these traps.
3. Avoid conflict: As we just touched on, arguing with a narcissistic husband can be nothing short of exhausting, so you will want to ensure that the conversation remains as neutral as possible. The quickest way to upset a narcissist is to go for their ego, so be sure to avoid that.
As for boundaries, there are a few good tips to help you make sure that your narcissistic husband is respecting them.
4. Be clear and direct about boundaries: A narcissistic husband will play fast and loose with boundaries, so it’s important to establish them openly, and enforce them when he tries to tread upon them.
5. Set consequences: In the event that your narcissistic husband doesn’t respect your boundaries, hit him with consequences.
6. Detach when necessary: If all else fails, try to detach yourself emotionally from any heated arguments and focus instead on your own well-being.
How to Talk to a Narcissistic Husband Effectively
Living with a narcissistic husband might sometimes feel like walking on eggshells a lot of the time, but there are some effective ways to talk to him to not only protect yourself but also ensure that conversations don’t devolve into bull-blown arguments.
Often, a narcissistic husband will view a lot of interactions as something to win, so by refusing to play that game, and instead focusing on only neutral language and avoiding blame, you can effectively communicate with your husband without it becoming toxic.
How to Survive a Narcissistic Husband: Steps to Protect Yourself
A support system is one of the best ways to help protect yourself in a marriage that could easily turn toxic. Family members, friends, or even therapists can be a great way to validate your feelings in the face of a narcissistic husband.
Outside of that, studying mindfulness can also assist with building the emotional fortitude to withstand any potential toxicity in your marriage. Mindfulness involves grounding yourself in the present moment and letting any negative thoughts or feelings just flow over you. Recognize them, and then let them go. It takes practice, but it can be exceedingly helpful.
Helping a Narcissistic Husband
While a marriage to a narcissist can be exhausting—to say the least—there is some hope for helping him see the proverbial light without worrying immediately about divorcing a narcissistic husband. There is help, and divorce is a last resort.
Can a Narcissistic Husband Change?
The short answer is yes, but unfortunately, it won’t happen overnight, and your husband has to be willing to change and have the self-awareness to see that something is wrong. Narcissistic husband traits are often deeply rooted and not easily shed. That’s why it often takes professional help to see tangible progress.
How to Help a Narcissistic Husband Seek Support
The best way to have him seek support is to gently nudge him toward therapy. This must be done delicately to avoid making him defensive. The best approach is to frame it around something that could strengthen the relationship between the two of you—that therapy will help reduce stress, enhance your communication, and make your bond stronger.
Be sure to establish how effective professional therapy tools are, from modern modalities to advanced cognitive behavioral techniques. It’s less about “fixing” what’s broken and more about improving something that’s already great.
Conclusion
Living with a narcissistic husband can be challenging, but it’s a manageable situation, especially if the love between the two of you is strong enough to make therapy a viable option that he is willing to pursue.
Our online and in-person couples therapy can help you and your husband overcome these tendencies and build a happier and healthier relationship. If you’re in Arizona or Florida, contact Serenity Space Therapy, and we’ll be happy to help you through the first stage of narcissistic abuse recovery.
FAQs
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A narcissistic husband will rely on emotional manipulation and gaslighting to maintain control over the relationship. Competitive by nature, they will try to “win” an argument by any means necessary.
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A narcissistic husband—or any narcissist for that matter—can be best defined by four traits:
1. Denial: He will typically deny any flaws, mistakes, or accountability for his actions.
2. Defensiveness: He will often quickly jump to being defensive in the face of any conflict.
3. Devaluation: He will put you down to bring himself up.
4. Dismissiveness: He will prioritize his own needs and miss those of others.
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In short, they won’t. If they do apologize, it will be in a way that shifts blame or focuses on themselves, rarely showing regret or any remorse. This tactic is often emotionally manipulative, or even part of a gaslighting strategy.
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Abuse from a narcissistic husband is typically not physical at all. He may never lay a hand on you, but he can subject you to extreme emotional abuse through manipulation, criticism, or withholding affection.
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Yes, but often, their “I love yous,” are hollow by nature. Though they may feel it to some degree, depending on how extreme their narcissistic tendencies are, the words themselves are often hollow and used more as a manipulative tactic. For narcissistic husbands, be weary of love bombing.